We finally finished reorganizing the library around a month ago. A pile of disorganized newspapers now appears in neatly cut articles sorted in folders by year and category from 2000-2010 (photo in blog). My next side project (when I am not out at workshops or doing other activities) is cataloging and creating organized excel files containing the main facts of all documented feminicidio between 2000 and 2010 in Guanajuato State. When I started this side project, my motivation to come to Centro Las Libres shifted and I began dreading coming for some inexplicable reason. When I left in the evenings I felt exhausted and worn out. Crashing on my bed, I didn’t feel rejuvenated or excited as before, but instead my mind seemed to decay into a mush as I listened to The Moth stories(I highly recommend this podcast) and finished the little homework I ever have. At first I couldn’t place this lack of enthusiasm and my lowered energy concerned me.

Then one night, after a horrific nightmare, it hit me. Never before had hearing about the suffering of others drained me so significantly, but reading for between 10-15 hours a week about the needless mutilation and murder of innocent women in the state which had become a new home, broke my spirit. With each article my frustration turned into exhaustion and my perception of this beautiful city changed. Walking down the streets, the small indignities, the cat-calls, the stares, the way I see couples interacting, they took on a new light realizing they too contribute to a culture which apathetically accepts the emotional and physical genocide of half of its population. If hundreds of women were beaten to death, strangled by strangers, found in bushes, in Massachuesetts every year, it would be a national catastrophe. The government would work with police officials to find the culprits rather than ignoring the cases or complacently accepting it as a reality of our culture. In Guanajuato state, the government won’t even fund resources for these women or for their families and often the police participate in the crimes.

Last week I helped the women in Centro Las Libres submit a proposal to the government to create these laws that would provide specific resources for victims of domestic violence and the families of victims of femicide. Guanajuato, despite having the 10th highest rate of femicide of the 32 states, is the only state which did not pass laws like this in 2006 when femicide in Mexico became an international concern. The government said it wasn’t needed. Violence against women is no different from violence against men they insisted. I can only hope that our proposal has potential to change this, but with our conservative governor and the history in Guanajuato, it feels hopeless. Returning to my cataloging today, more than exhausted, I felt sick to my stomach. Despite being here for 4 months now, despite having soaked in the culture and the people, I will never begin to fathom the factors which lead a male politician to think that violence against a woman is not worth his time, not worth his compassion and not worthy of a simple signature. The apathy of the politicians here renders them equally guilty and I have never felt more disgusted.